This just in

A spokesman for Uncle Sam said today that the old gentlemen, who turns 240 this July, is having trouble getting into his red, white and blue costume and feels the need for some slimming down. Following the lean days of the Great Depression and World War II, Uncle Sam has been on an ever increasing diet of salt, sugar and fat. All those wonderful snacks that the food industry has been pushing on the public has lead not only to much seam-popping, but to ever more frequent visits to health care providers who are waging a losing battle against the ravages of junk food. Uncle realizes it's a difficult situation.

Uncle Sam is concerned with the way his diet will be viewed by the corporate world. He does not want to offend those tireless food scientists who spend night after sleepless night engineering those mouth-watering snacks that mean so much at the cash register. All that great taste has led to an unprecedented boom in sales for corporations like Frito-Lay.

However, the spokesman went on to comment on the epidemic of dissatisfaction in certain quarters of the medical establishment over the proliferation of ingredients like high fructose corn syrup (HFCS). Although creating more business for the medical sector, the side effects of HFCS have put a strain on the insurance industry which greatly regrets having had to raise its premiums. The malcontents have actually conducted studies and published literature which has caused sufficient numbers of shoppers to avoid such products that contain high levels of sugar and fat. The fear that these allegations have instilled in the public has threatened the food industry's freedom to put anything into the food supply that will make money.

Aspersions have also been cast on the use of antibiotics on livestock and poultry. Criticism of the practice of keeping animals well enough for slaughter has been levied. The conditions in which the animals have been penned requires the use of these medications in order to keep the public safe.

Uncle Sam himself recently stated that his health is beginning to worry him, and that perhaps he had better pay attention to what and how much he eats.

CookoutMuck full of sugar, salt and fat! We really don't need this awful stuff. It makes us fat and it makes us sick. Nothing gets the food industry's attention more than products not selling. A revolt by the public against all this fast food, processed food, adulterated food can bring about a return to sanity in our diet. Stop eating it!

Doodle Corner

Where food is concerned I'm a junkie.
Each day I grow more and more chunky.
But it all tastes so great
So I fill up my plate.
But after I eat I feel punky.
I just saw the ad on TV.
It's wonderful, don't you agree?
Mouth wateringly good
Not an ounce of falsehood.
I'm going to go on a spree!
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