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GROUP UNVEILS PLAN TO BEEF UP
COMMERCIAL BREAKS ON TV

A spokesman for the National Union of Commercial Persuaders (NUCS) announced today that plans are underway to significantly increase both the duration and number of commercial messages during television programming. The group is comprised of advertising agencies and production firms who are looking to increase their revenues by unprecedented amounts.

In a show of hands during the last NUCS meeting, the group showed its enthusiasm for the plan which would also benefit the viewing public by providing interminable information on products and services of immense value.

The immediate goal of the plan is to devote forty-five minutes of each hour of prime-time TV to commercial messages. There would be three fifteen minute segments, each five minutes apart. These segments would be available to national advertisers. The five-minute segments in between would be available to programming and local advertising. Local channels would be able to sell spots to local advertisers as long as a minimum of two minutes was left for programming. In keeping with the quality level of current programming, it was felt that three two minute segments per hour would be quite adequate.

A spokesman for the production companies stated that the move would initially force them to work long hours of overtime and that they planned to lobby for the abolition of overtime pay until such time as their capacity caught up with their increased profits. Advertising agency representatives agreed that the work load would increase on their end also, especially hard hit would be their billing departments.

NUCS stresses that its plan is actually performing a great service to the country. Since in our society money is everything, the constant beaming of sales messages to the public would be seen as a patriotic duty.

cash registers

WHAT'S REAL...Let's face it, commercials pay the bills. We watch broadcast and cable TV without paying a license fee as in other countries because they are advertising supported. And business need to have this outlet to help market their goods and services. But how much is enough? The cash registers are ringing at the networks and cable channels as they cram more and more commercial messages together. The 30-second spot is now giving way to the 15-second spot and viewers are going nuts if they're stupid enough to sit there and watch. There's something called the law of primacy and regency. It claims that people will more easily remember the first and last things in a series, while stuff in between kind of blends together. When you have a 4-5 minute commercial break, there are 8 to 10 messages following each other, many more if there are lots of 15-second spots. Advertising is built on repetition. But those middle messages have to be repeated hundreds and hundreds of times before any penetration into the minds of viewers can be expected. What a waste!

Doodle Corner

We've got to keep selling and selling
So our profits keep swelling and swelling.
As our bank account grows
We'll buy some new clothes.
And our image will go on excelling.
I want to stand out from the crowd.
I guess I should get very loud.
So if I should do it
How much would I rue it?
And never again be allowed.
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