In a surprise move today, House and Senate leaders joined together in an unprecedented move to create a paintball field on the National Mall. The installation is seen as a way to settle the animosities between Democrats and Republicans that have plunged the government into gridlock.


It was rumored that the idea for the project was initiated by Republican Majority Leader Mitch McConnell who is said to have one of the largest stockpiles of paintballs in the free world. In an interview Senator McConnell declared that the move would provide an outlet for the hostilities and frustrations that have overwhelmed many members of congress. Some have fallen victim to post traumatic stress disorder and have become unable to carry out their normal fund-raising activities.

When pressed for his reaction to the proposal, Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid declared that he would "blow them all away." Although he declined to go into details, Senator Reid was overheard saying that he has commissioned a team of highly paid paintball experts to come up with an automatic paintball gun capable of firing 200 paintballs per minute.

The installation of the paintball field on the Mall is seen as an effort to built the image of the Congress as a fun-loving group. Frequent contests would be held to decide the outcome of a host of issues that have currently been stalled in committee or just not brought up for vote.

A starting date for construction has not been set due to a controversial GOP plan to erect a statue of an elephant in the center of the field. The statue, modeled after the Trojan horse, would provide shelter for Republican sharpshooters. Democrats bitterly oppose the move and plan to stall the project indefinitely.


Tickets will go on sale as soon as differences have been worked out. Proceeds from ticket sales will go to the Corporate Benevolent Fund to aid those corporations who have been forced to remain in the United States and pay taxes.

 Doodle Corner

We’d like to be more in the middle.
But Congress continues to diddle.
They fight and they shout,
While milling about.
And the country continues to twiddle.

The congress is thoroughly busted.
It just doesn't seem to be trusted.
We'd sure like to fix it,
But think we would nix it.
So the country remains maladjusted.
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